What is discrimination? There are direct and indirect discrimiantion. Direct discrimination occurs if a person treats, or proposes to treat, someone unfavourably because of a personal characteristic protected by law whereas indirect discrimination has been simplified by removing existing technicalities and providing further clarity around the factors to consider in determining whether a requirement, condition or practice is reasonable in the circumstances.
Everyone has carried out some act of discrimination, although it is wrong to
judge others based on certain characteristics. We discriminate other people mostly because of the influences from people around us like family and friends. When people around us discriminate other people, we tend to discriminate those people too. There are many forms of discrimination such as religion discrimination, race discrimination, job discrimination, age discrimination, size discrimination, disability discrimination, wealth discrimination and many more.
First and foremost, lets talk about the most common form of discrimination, race and religion discrimination. Since Malaysia is a multiracial country, race discrimination happens very often. There are three main races in Malaysia which is Malay, Chinese and Indian. Racial discrimination is a problem affecting young minority teens today. You may have notice that if you have been observant in your daily lives.
Next is religion discrimination. The four most popular religions in Malaysia are Islam, Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism. Every individual thinks that their religion is THE religion and believes that
all other religion are inferior. Some individuals go to extremes in the name of
their religion, case in point the burning of several churches that caused a
religious uproar. These extremist tend to use religion as an excuse to commit
public offenses. People of different religions should learn to tolerate one
another in order to maintain peace in the country.
Besides that, job, gender and age discrimination often happens too in our daily lives. Many companies prefer to hire men rather than women. Employers consider, the
fact that women can take maternity leave as a liability as it affects the
productivity of the company. Next, companies tend to hire younger people despite
their lack of experience because to provide health care for older people is also
considered to be a liability.
In conclusion, there are many forms of discrimination. Discrimination lives in everyones heart in various forms. Some do not realise it because they do that too often. However, it is an ugly act that we should all be avoiding. We should tell the people around us not to discriminate others because what comes around goes around, and they will be discriminated too by other people. Everyone should stop discriminating others so that we can change the world for the better where there is no discrimination.
3. "Everyone should stop discriminating other people so that we can change the world for the better where there is no discrimination", I think this sentence is the strongest in the essay because I totally agree with it.
ReplyDelete4. From paragraph 6, the last line, the word 'getting' should be replaced with 'shooting'. Next, from paragraph 5, the word 'sick' should be replaced with other word.
5. I like this writing because it is very simple and easy to understand.
6. No. I think it is alright.
7. No.
8. I think the points are not well-elaborated. You should elaborate more and use more bombastic words.
Some does not realise it because they does that too often.
ReplyDeleteCorrection : Some do not realise it because they do that too often.
multirace country- Multiracial country- Yi Lin
ReplyDeleteDuring the election, the Malays will vote for the government whereas the Indians and Chinese will support the NGO- This may be too sensitive for our country's current state, esp. in this time frame, so avoid going for malay/chinese/indian differences in a too obvious manner. after all we're supposed to go for the 1 bangsa thing. yeah. :) - Yi Lin
Christian and Hindu- this is only the believers of the religion. the religions are Christianity and Hinduism.- Yi Lin
Many companies PREFERS to hire- Many conpanies PREFER to hire.- Wee Han
This often happens in school- Work places as well bro- Wee Han
I believe that women can be better than men because they are more competitive. - actually, maybe you could put this in a softer way, so as to not offend the MALE SPECIES i.e. weehan. - Yi Lin :)
*paragraph 2 - 'Everyone have done the act of discrimination although it is an ugly behaviour' = 'Everyone has carried out some act of discrimination, although it is wrong to judge others based on certain characteristics'
ReplyDelete*paragraph 3 - 'First and foremost, lets talk about the most common discrimination, race and religion discrimination. Since Malaysia is a multi race country, race discrimination happens very often.' = 'most common form of discrimination' and 'multiracial country'.
*paragraph 4 - 'The four most popular religions in Malaysia is Islam, Buddhism, Christian and Hindu. Everyone thinks that their believes are right and the others are not. There are cases in Malaysia where the Churches gets burned down. To say it the good way, they are loyal to their Gods, but they are not being rational. People of different religions should tolerate each other and do not bring out sensitive issues so protect the harmony is Malaysia.' = 'most popular religions in malaysia ARE Islam, Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism. Every individual thinks that their religion is THE religion and believes that all other religion are inferior. Some individuals go to extremes in the name of their religion, case in point the burning of several churches that caused a religious uproar. These extremist tend to use religion as an excuse to commit public offenses. People of different religions should learn to tolerate one another in order to maintain peace in the country.
*paragraph 5 - 'Besides that, job, gender and age discrimination often happens too in our daily lives. Many companies prefers to hire men than women. They give excuses such as woman always take leaves and their working capability is lower than men. Well, I do not agree with that. I believe that women can be better than men because they are more competitive. Some companies will hire the younger ones rather than the older ones although the older ones have more experience. They say that the elders are always sick at their old age.' = 'Many companies prefer to hire men rather than women. Employers consider, the fact that women can take maternity leave as a liability as it affects the productivity of the company. Next, companies tend to hire younger people despite their lack of experience because to provide health care for older people is also considered to be a liability.'
*paragraph 6 - 'In addition, there is size discrimination. This often happens in school. For example, during a basketball game, all the players are tall and thin except for one who is big and fat. The audience will laugh at the fat one and tell their friends :" Look at that fatty bom-bom, she runs so slow, her belly fats are showing, how can she play?" People often thought that big sized people are ugly and useless. But they don't know that big sized people can be useful too. They can be used for defense to prevent the opponent from getting the ball into the basket.' = it might be better to do away with this whole paragraph...
* Conclusion - the word 'does' should be replaced with 'do'; 'It is an ugly act we should all avoid.'; 'other people' should be replaced with 'others'.
To the 'teachers' above, thanks for correcting my essay. :D I've corrected it , so yeah, thanks! :D Mind to check my third paragraph again? Din't know what else to write since its a sensitive issue.
ReplyDelete